Saturday, October 11, 2014

A Farewell to Bacon

This week we learned that when people told us I could have bacon grease mixed in my food, they meant more like kind of drizzled over it like ice cream topping and less like the milk in a bowl of cereal. Yeah... it didn't end so well, but wow was it delicious!

I'll spare you the gruesome digestive detail... Suffice it to say that it took a good four days before My Pet Human could go back to cleaning up my lawn deposits with a plastic bag rather than by dumping a pot of hot water over the... uh, mudslide. *Shaking myself* Ugh. Don't even want to think about it anymore.

So apparently I won't be getting any bacon or bacon grease for the foreseeable future.  Sigh.

But did I mention it was delicious?! I'd still do it again. Then again, my species is known for making notoriously bad food choices.

Speaking of poor food choices... the weirdest thing happens when I eat chicken. I get startled by these really odd fireworks and trumpeting noises. They happen every 15-20 minutes for a few hours afterwards. Whatever is making the noises must be afraid of me because I bark fearsomely every time I hear it. The noise stops immediately, but then it smells really bad. I think whatever is making those noises is so afraid of my fearsome bark that it loses control of its bowels.

Yeah, that's how fierce I am. It must scare My Pet Human and My Child, too. Every time it happens they stop what they are doing and yell my name. They must want me to come and protect them from the Chicken Fireworks, so I go really close to them and wag my tail to show them that they are safe with me on the job. Then they hold their noses and wave their hands. That must be a sign of respect in their culture. They really appreciate me.

It's good to be the dog.

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